Discussing the Inner Critic
On the Nature of the Critic Within
Introduction
There are very few people alive who have never had to deal with an Inner Critic. It is a nearly ubiquitous experience that many don’t even notice due to how ingrained the scolding voice has become. Nevertheless, the Inner Critic is an inner phenomenon that we must all contend with when trying to better our health and our lives. Having a nagging voice that derides your achievements, dampens your joy, and stifles your creative zest for life is a burden nobody should have to bear.
What is the Inner Critic?
To many not versed in psychological ideology, the idea of an autonomous presence in their psyche is unnerving, if not hard to believe. This is understandable given that we tend to relate hearing voices in your head with schizophrenic tendencies. Saying that there are autonomous inner entities within our consciousness is a slightly different notion that is once explained, is easy to believe.
Carl Jung, a prominent figure in mapping the territory of consciousness, wrote that the ego—the part of ourselves that we are most identified with—is but one locus of consciousness within us. We can think of the ego like a ball of light, casting awareness on all it has identified with. The ego, however, needs contents to be identified with in the first place. These are archetypes drawn on from the collective unconscious.
A good metaphor is to think of the ego like the earth. The earth orbits the sun along with 7 (or 8—big Pluto fan here) other planets. These other planets are like the dominant archetypes that govern our lives. Indeed, all of astrology is essentially exploiting this metaphor to help us understand the structure of the psyche.
To relate us back to the Inner Critic, let us examine what happens when an autonomous structure rises up to conscious awareness and overtakes the ego. This is most apparent when someone becomes angry. To an outside observer, someone may suddenly erupt into a seething ball of emotion, expressing their feelings in a way foreign to their usual manner. It can seem like that person has suddenly changed their personality as the anger washes over them. Afterwards, they return to their usual self.
To the person experiencing the anger, there was no perceivable change in character. To this person, the continuity of self was kept intact—they were simply responding to feelings within them. This is all true, and yet they seemed to embody a different person in the process. This is due to the identity of anger rising up and containing a higher charge than the ego—in that it had more awareness to disperse. Anger usurped the ego throne, and the person readily identified with it since it was there.
However, given that this personality mode of emotional eruption is not the norm for this person, implies that the angry personality was lying dormant, existing in a subconscious world waiting for expression. On top of this, the fact that the person had little regard for the change in personality implies that the anger has a personality of its own. It is, in essence, an autonomous entity.
So how does this relate to the Inner Critic? The Inner Critic is simply an autonomous entity existing just outside of ego identification, yet exerting influence upon the psyche of the individual.
In their monumental book, Hal and Sidra Stone speak of the Inner Critic as such:
“The Inner Critic is like the bit of mirror that makes us see a distorted picture. It is that inner voice that criticizes us and speaks about us in a disparaging way. It makes everything look ugly. Most of us are not even aware that it is a voice or a self speaking inside of us because its constant judgements have been with us since early childhood and its running critical commentary feels like a natural part of ourselves. It develops early in our lives, absorbing judgments of the people around us and the expectations of the society in which we live” (Stone & Stone, pg. 4, 1993).
To summarize, the Inner Critic is an autonomous presence in the psyche that is a culmination of all the disparaging and judgemental remarks made by the people who have mattered most in our lives.
Most often this comes from our parents. It can also come from teachers, peers, and other authoritative people in our lives who have had an effect on us. For many, the Inner Critic keeps alive the pain from childhood, facilitating the soul-crushing remarks made from parents long after the individual has moved on.
The Inner Critic is one of the many forms of psychological wounding that can be passed down through the generations. Many parents unconsciously, or even intentionally, make the same remarks to their children as were made to them growing up. The same unnecessary shame-inducing criticism can be passed down from parent to child, thus keeping the trauma in the family.
“Parents need to succeed in making you a proper person—whatever that means to them—in order to feel good about themselves. Underneath all this is their own insecurity and their own fear of failure as parents” (Stone & Stone, pg. 8, 1993).
When we have not healed our wounds from childhood, we tend to recreate our early experiences with our children to feel a sense of justice over our own mistreatment. While we may feel relieved on some level, this really helps no one in the end.
The Purpose of the Inner Critic
At its core, the purpose of the Inner Critic is to protect us. Just as a parent seeks to protect the child by imparting rules and restrictions, justifying it with statements such as “this is how we behave in a society,” the Inner Critic aims to protect us from a tantalizing experience of shame and pain.
While on some level this is a healthy function to have within us, the Inner Critic is often “too loud” and out of control. Without a secure sense of self, the inner critic jumps in to save us far too often—enslaving us in the process.
Though the Inner Critic wants us to exceed, it often goes overboard in trying to protect us.
“It developed in your early years to protect your vulnerability, by helping you to adapt to the world around you and to meet its requirements, whatever they might be. In order to do its job properly, it needed to burn your natural inclinations and to make you acceptable to others by criticizing and correcting your behavior before other people could criticize or reject you. In this way, it reasoned, it could earn love and protection for you as well as save you much shame and hurt” (Stone & Stone, pg. 11, 1993).
The Inner Critic likes using words like mistake. It will turn everything against you, labeling you the center of all your problems. While this sentiment can hold truth and be beneficial to growth, the Critic attacks you with it, forcing you to accept it before you can consciously integrate it. We are left in a beaten down acquiescence, rather than in a place of enlightenment.
The Inner Critic uses whatever it can to leverage your insecurities against you. While the Critic’s job is to keep you safe, we must keep in mind that growth and expansion involves a great deal of risk. It takes courage to go beyond our comfort zone.
The Critic is like a programmed firewall that is activated when you begin to move beyond your established sense of self. For this reason the Critic can utilize identifications such as perfectionism, social prestige, and the need to be accepted and liked by others to hold you back. The Critic knows your biggest insecurity, and weaponizes it against you.
These insecurities are there for a reason, and it is important to acknowledge, accept, and work through the issues present. But we don’t have to be paralyzed by this disembodied voice from within. We have the power to not identify with the inner critic's remarks, but rather use them as pieces of advice—that we may or may not take!
On a brief side note, some people don’t experience an Inner Critic but have rather taken the more extraverted role of Judge. These people simply direct their Inner Criticism outwards onto other people in the form of projection. Often the disparaging Inner Critic of one individual is attracted to someone with a strong Inner Judge. The two complement and keep each other stuck in a loop of critic attacks.
Despite the outwards direction, the Inner Judge is simply a way of avoiding the Inner Critics remarks by shifting them onto other people. The same process underlies both the Critic and the Judge, and when left alone, the Inner Judge may turn against the individual.
Working with the Inner Critic
Now that we know what the inner critic is, we can begin identifying and subsequently disidentify with it. For many, the Inner Critic is such a vital part of the psyche that their very core of personality is identified with the critic. They have become so acquainted with listening to this voice they believe it is who they are.
The Inner Critic is not who you are. This is the most important thing to remember. It is one of many sub-personalities within the psyche.
At our core, we are pure awareness. This is who we really are. Within this field of awareness we have chosen certain subpersonalities to identify with and label as who we are. This process is done during our formative years and to the degree to which we don’t experience empathic resonance with the people in our lives, we tend to over identify with these subpersonalities.
When we are not allowed to be who we really are (or aren't accepted for who we intrinsically are), we cling to ideas of who we are. The more dramatic the disavowal of self (usually to please our caregivers), the more these negative subpersonalities become ingrained into our being.
We have within us a myriad of selves, such as the Inner Child, the Inner Critic, and the Inner Achiever, all of which help us navigate the chaos of life. Some of these identifications are growth inducing, some hindering.
All of them are not really us.
Disidentifying from these subpersonalities removes our ego from its identifications and places it in our aware-ego. I have written about this process of disidentification here. The aware ego is the center of our true self—and stands unperturbed by the critic or any other sub-personality.
Going back to our analogy of the solar system, the aware ego is akin to the sun. Moving our center of awareness away from being “earth-centric” and instead making it “solar-centric” allows us to have power over the pesky meteors that threaten to annihilate our life. In addition we can access the many other “planets” or “subpersonalities” that are lying dormant within us.
This task can be daunting and difficult when first contending with the inner critic. The critic will clamp down its grip as you begin to question its authority. It can be rather daunting to face life without the critic's guidance for the first time, and there’s plenty of times where it’ll feel easier to split into the shame induced by these inner remarks. It’s important to not falter, you have the ultimate authority over yourself and choose to listen to the critics remarks.
How to Talk to the Inner Critic
Once our subpersonalities have been parsed out and our aware ego has started to develop, we can begin to re-integrate them. A large part of doing inner work is building the ego up into a mediator of these separate selves. Instead of identifying with one and allowing those judgments to rule your life, you can instead imagine that you are holding a conference where all the parts of yourself can voice their opinion.
In this active imagination, the inner critic gets a chance to make its remarks, as do all the other selves who have an opinion on that given matter. After hearing what everyone has to say, you—the aware ego—get to decide which action to take. In this way, the concerns of the inner critic (which are often valid) can be taken into account consciously, and not acted on out of fear or shame. In the end, you—the individual—get the final say, which can bring with it a tremendous amount of power and self-esteem.
A large reason that people become overly identified with the critic is because it speaks with absolute conviction.
“It does not simply give opinions or express feelings about things. It makes absolute pronouncements. It sounds as though a voice from the heavens is handing down absolute truths to us—something like the Ten Commandments” (Stone & Stone, pg. 33, 1993).
This can make it extremely difficult to shut off.
What is important to understand is that it is not what is actually said, but the energy behind what is said. An Inner Critic can attack without saying anything, but rather simply by the feeling being present in the psyche. I often experience my Critic more as a feeling with the impression of the words behind it.
When I notice an Inner Critic attack with an intense bitterness I’ll stop and “reprimand” this voice. Much like setting boundaries with real people who disrespect us, we can “inform” the Critic on how to talk to us. When the Critic attacks, we can simply direct it to not speak to us that way.
When we do this, we can pause to reflect on what’s being said, take or leave the advice, and then most importantly, shift the energy into something positive.
If my critic imbues me with a sense of hopelessness and shame, I will acknowledge it as a legitimate concern within me. If it's something outside of my control, I will speak to myself, telling myself I will love and accept who I am no matter what happens.
After a while of doing this, the critic’s attacks become fainter and its advice becomes just that—advice that you can take or leave and self-talk that doesn’t leave you feeling less than who you were.
This process of self-validation is crucial. The Inner Critic, as well as any sense of depression, anxiety, shame, or a debilitating feeling, is only detrimental when our self-esteem and worthiness is not adequate to weather the storm.
If we grew up in an environment where we were forced into a role to support our parents' emotions rather than discovering our authentic self, we’ll struggle against the Critics attacks. Developing a practice of consciously and regularly imparting the love and validation you so desperately craved as a child is paramount to fighting back against these attacks.
When the Critic attacks, tell yourself that no matter what happens you will love and accept yourself, no matter what. Develop that practice. It is life changing.
Conclusion
The Inner Critic hijacks the mind and keeps one living in a mental prison of shame and low self-esteem. It is the voice that tells you what you can and can’t do—shattering your self worth to do so. Understanding that this is simply a byproduct of internalized authority, and learning to disidentify with it is a powerful tool in the self-healing journey.
The Inner Critic is not who you are. We don’t have to live in a world of worry evoked by some disembodied voice within us. We don’t have to conform to societal rules out of fear. We are in control of who we are, and the world truly opens up once we realize this.
Question the Inner Critic. Question what you’ve identified with. Question Authority. Question what you know. Break the chains of asinine restrictions. You have the power to live a life that sanctifies your soul.
As always, if you enjoyed this write-up, seriously consider reading Hal and Sidra Stone’s book Embracing Your Inner Critic. Their work on subpersonalities is phenomenal and life altering. They get much more nuanced with the idea of the Inner Critic and I highly recommend it.
— Recommended Reading —
Embracing the Inner Critic by Hal Stone and Sidra Stone
Jung’s Map of the Soul by Murray Stein
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The Stones had a great take on parts work! As an IFS practitioner I appreciate their perspective.